Thoughts on #LastNight

Last Night

Napanood ko pa lang yung trailer I was like, kakaiba ito, walang masyadong nareveal na kwento sa trailer. But I noticed few things, Toni’s dress looks old. Its sort of some fashion from the 80’s [not really sure about the era] and when she talks about her boyfriend the set up looks old told too, so sabi ko I think they’ll play with time kasi there were scenes din naman that look modern. That made me curious about the movie.

I’m the type of movie watcher na nagaanalyze ng story. I want to figure things out before the big reveal. Gusto ko alam ko na yung magiging ending habang nasa kalagitnaan pa lang ang pelikula. Gusto ko yung masasabi ko yung “Sabi ko na eh.” Last Night is one of the few movies na I had the “Ohhhh.. Kaya pala..” reaction. I didn’t see that coming, I didn’t expect that twist. I was more of, Toni Gonzaga ito, parang My Amnesia Girl at Starting Over Again lang ito; but I was wrong. It was not the typical rom-com film, not your usual love story with happy ending. If I had to compare, hindi nya napantayan kung paano ginapos ng Starting Over Again yung emotions ko, at hindi din neto nakuha ang levels ng charm at wit ng That Thing Called Tadhana but I must say that the movie has its own way of touching your soul and imparting significant life lessons.

Mark Peters

Most of us, if not all, went through the same level of depression as Mark Peters (Piolo Pascual) did in the movie. You can clearly see it in his eyes that he felt no hope, when the people who were expected to stand by his side were the first people to betray and reject him. When everything seems to run towards the direction opposite to his plans. Mahirap! Wala ka nang makapitan, hindi mo na alam kung paano mo sasabihin sa sarili mo na kaya mo yan, bangon lang, laban pa. But then, all you need is someone who could make you realize those things. Someone who could be with you, guiding you while you figure things out…

Carmina Salvador

Makulit. Papansin. Madaldal. Pero may puso. I always love how Toni Gonzaga portrays this type of character. I find it natural, not the trying hard acting.

I was wondering why it was past halfway of the film but I haven’t really get any story of who is Carmina Salvador, except that her name was from the movie “Hihintayin na lang kita sa Langit” Parang laging paiwas ang mga sagot n’ya every time Mark is asking stuff about her. I find this weird, until hindi s’ya sumipot sa simbahan…

Suicide

I know the story does not want to put much emphasis on this note, but I find this concept quite relatable. It was college years when suicide was not just mere word for me. There are days back in the university when we will hear news about students committing suicide or even learn na yung dati mong classmate na nakakasama sa isang classroom ay nagsuicide, kasi binagsak daw ng prof dapat graduating na. I was like, how could they do that to themselves?? Paano nila kinakaya?? Naging biruan na tuloy namin ng dorm mates at house mates ko na “hoy, kahit bumagsak ka wag kang magpapakamatay! Baka magmulto ka pa dito sa kwarto/bahay.” I survived college [kahit ang dami ko na binagsak na subjects at nakaranas pa ng dismissal, MRR] never did that thought came into my mind.

Not until recent events, darating pala talaga sa buhay mo yung Mark Peter’s moment. Sobrang down mo, pakiramdam mo wala kang kakampi, wala kang halaga. Lahat ng nasa paligid mo puro sila masaya pero ikaw parang nilalamon ka ng lungkot. Wala ka mahugutan ng kahit kaunting rason para maging masaya. Parang lahat nang nangyayari sa buhay mo mali. Sobrang lungkot, gusto mo na lang mawala, gusto mo na lang hindi na magising, gusto mo na lang hindi na mabuhay pa.

Yes! I wanted to end my life. I came into a point thinking of what’s the best way to do it. I even pray, every time I close my eyes to sleep, that I hope I will no longer wake up. Sobrang lungkot at sobrang dilim wala kang mapuntahan, wala kang makapitan. I tried to talk to friends about this meron iba na lelecturan ka about religion [matakot ka sa Diyos, bakit mo naiisip yan?], about family [yung pamilya mo sila yung rason para maging masaya ka], about life [ano bang gusto mong mangyari sa buhay mo?] But none of these seems to lighten up what I felt. None of these thoughts made me feel better.

It’s all up to one person – YOU!

People around you can help, you can meet your Carmina Salvador [in a more realistic way]. They can give you all the advice that you need, all the comforting words you need to hear, but it’s always you and only you who can really help yourself. Acknowledge those demons in your head, if you feel like being sad, let it be! If you feel the need to cry, let it all out. Because eventually all these crappy stuff will have to end, it’ll be gone at one point. Yes, it may come back but definitely it will somehow cease. And it’s not your whole life that has to end, just that phase of your life.

It is always easier said than done, pero kakayanin! Just give yourself all the time that you need. Minsan ang sarap isipin na kapag namatay ka malalaman mo kung sino talaga yung nagmamahal sa’yo, kung sino ang nagpapahalaga sa’yo. But come to think of it, death is something permanent. The pain that you could inflict to the people who care about you, who love you, could be permanent too. Gusto mo ba ‘yon? Or would it be better if one day you’ll be able to tell yourself “I’m alive! I survived! I made it and I did a great fight!”